President Kolison, I see you, I hear you, and I would die defending you.
EDIG
This was genuinely the funniest thing that’s happened since I came to Fredonia. I remember that day like it was yesterday.
I get it, Mr. President, I really do. We’re broke. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
And if that means cutting half of the VANM programs despite VANM being one of the three things that get people to come here, so be it!
And besides, you have to offer art history, photography, and 3D form classes anyway, so it was actually a smart move.
The same goes for the Spanish and French majors. Who needs it? Not any of us, clearly. We just need to get that gen ed credit out of the way; pursuing a second language any further is a complete waste of time! Not to mention the money, oh, the money that’s being WASTED on language education.
Dr. Juan De Urda Anguita, coordinator of the World Languages and Cultures Department, claims that the Spanish classes/language department isn’t making us lose any money. But what does he know? It’s not like he was in a job like accounting, where people know about math and money.
Gracing us with your presence
It’s not often we get to see our President out and about, but when it does happen, it’s the highlight of my day.
My meal at Cranston’s immediately gets better whenever I see and feel your aura in the dining hall. It’s like I’m soaking it up through the food.
My favorite times I’ve seen you blessing the public have been when you’re wearing a stylish hat. I love your stylish hats. Please wear more of them forever.
And it’s not just Cranston where I get to see you. There’s activities night, and probably other events that I can’t think of right now. The point being, you are my rock. You keep me going. If I could have you baptize my firstborn child, I would.
Taking out the trash
We didn’t need them anymore! And by them, yes, I mean them.
The monthly(?) emails
Every time I get the notification that I received a message from you, Dr. Kolison, I drop everything I’m doing and divert my full attention to reading the email. It brings me so much joy to hear from you, and I can hear your voice as I read it.
Never stop sending these emails. I need them to know what’s going on around campus. They’re actually the only emails that I actively read.
Your humble salary
President Kolison, you deserve to make so much more than you already do. The things that you do for this school must be so taxing and draining, and you do it for so cheap. The school might as well be paying you half a twist and shout. Not even an Oreo. A twist and shout.
If I could pay your salary myself, I would. I would give you double, triple, even quadruple what you make right now, because you’ve earned it.
Mr. President, I know that everyone is being mean to you right now, and I’m so sorry that’s happening to you. You don’t deserve it.
Just know that you have my unconditional support in all of your endeavors.
Chin up, king, your crown is slipping.
