I’m already starting this off well by calling myself unc, which is either really self-aware or self-indulgent of me. It might be both.
This is officially my third year at SUNY Fredonia. Wow. Three years of Crannies and Willy C’s messing up my stomach and stinky dorm buildings.
I thought I would be a totally different person at the age I am now (which I don’t want to disclose because it’s just going to make me feel OLD!) When I was a preteen, I imagined that I’d totally have my shit together by now.
My shit is definitely not together right now. In fact, I had my first 8 am class today and now I’m considering dropping one of my majors because of it, if that gives you any idea of what kind of state I’m in right now.
Maybe it’s a mid-life crisis? At my old age, it probably is.
It’s a little scary, because I’m two years away from graduating and going into the REAL WORLD, but here I am writing for a website that I’ve literally written fan fiction for.
Two of my peers have told me that they found this website and thought it was funny. I didn’t know if I should be mortified or flattered. I settled for mortified, because the fact that they found my website implies that they read my Freddy the Blue Devil fan fiction, but at least they enjoyed it.
Also, I’m writing this just because I want to, and not for a grade. The good thing about writing for this website for no grade means that I can basically say whatever I want in as little words as I choose. 800 words a week was honestly pretty harsh for someone who stutters every time they try to say a sentence in real life.
I kind of missed Fredonia over the summer. Sure, the dorms are hell sometimes and I had way too many bad encounters with the food and people here in the past two years, but Fredonia has a way of forcing you to miss it once you’re gone.
It’s Stockholm Syndrome, basically.
So, if I’m Belle, and Freddy the Blue Devil is the beast, it’s something I really don’t want to think too hard about. I’m old, so I can just chalk it up to sundowning or something like that.
I’ve been to Crannies a few times, and was horrified when I didn’t see the people I usually see in there. In fact, I don’t even get to see the people I always saw around campus anymore. Half of the people that were here when I first started are gone now, and have been replaced by a bunch of kids that I’m honestly a little scared of.
I’m scared of Freshmen and I’m not afraid to admit it. They’re in the world on their own for the first time in their lives, and have no idea what to do with this power. I’ve been there before. Thankfully, the most destructive thing I ever did in freshman year was go to DP Dough at 1 am multiple times a week for no reason. I quickly turned fat and broke.
I wonder if there’s a bunch of freshmen experiencing their first bite of DP Dough right now.
So, yeah, I’m unc, all my friends are unc, and I have no idea what to do with that information. Maybe I should start looking to a retirement home?
