Bravery. What the hell is bravery? According to Merriam-Webster, bravery is “the quality or state of having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty : the quality or state of being brave.”
I’ve recently come to the conclusion that everyone is brave except for me. It’s a shitty realization to have, especially with the current predicament I’ve found myself in that is forcing me to become brave.
If I’m sounding really cryptic right now, just ignore that. Being ominous is how I best describe what I’m feeling. If I ever got a therapist, they’d have to answer my riddles three in order to diagnose me.
But whatever, I’m trying to become brave for a purpose. There’s intent behind this desire. I’m doing this in hopes of getting what I want, when I want it.
And I want it right the fuck now. Kind of. Maybe. I’m still figuring that out.
Yeah, yeah, no one knows what I’m saying right now. That’s fine by me. Honestly, I think I’m more at peace in life if no one understands what I’m saying.
So, how am I going to become brave? I’m honestly not sure. I’ve started to think about certain events in my life that highlight how much of a coward I am, and how that event could have been improved if I had been brave.
I WANT TO BE BRAVE. I NEED TO, ACTUALLY.
It’s starting to get bad, honestly, how much I’ve started to think about being brave.
I should have been brave in freshman year when I met that one *** and ** was a ***** **** from ******* and ** was really **** and I **** ***.
I should have been brave in sophomore year when I *** ***** and I **** to *** **** and then ** ***** to **** ** and it was really scary and like, okay, this is an unrelated topic, but I kind of need to be cryptic about it for just a second.
***** wasn’t that big of a deal. Like, whatever. It’s done, it happened, I’m over it. But recently that **** has **** ******* up because ** ****** *** is in * ****** ***** with *** and apparently ** ** * ***** *** **** which kind of makes me feel better but at the same time ******** is ***** so ******* ***** ***** it and I **** I had **** about ** because * **** that *** a ***** ***.
Anyways, bravery. I want to be brave.
Is bravery pouring my heart out in a message that no one but me understands and putting it on the internet for hypothetically anyone to see? Definitely not. Is it brave to want to become brave?
I don’t really know what else to say now. I want to be brave. I’ll get there eventually.
And as for my predicament, I think I’m genuinely driving myself crazy about it for no fucking reason, because I don’t actually think I’m going to get what I want. I’m enough of a coward to admit it out loud, and that’s okay with me, I think.
I don’t even mean that in a sad way either. I’m okay with not getting what I want through being a coward, because I think it would be way worse on me if I became brave just to still not get what I want.
I want AI Arman to have their Hosletelz. Whatever the fuck that means. That honestly might be too much of a giveaway, but no one’s going to see this.
