Prefacing this by saying that I don’t know if I’m allowed to swear on this, but it is my website, so for today I’m allowed to swear all I want!
In case you didn’t see the Yik Yak post last semester, Lena’s Pizza in Fredonia faced some serious allegations of having poop in the restaurant where poop definitely shouldn’t be. The anonymous Yik Yaker claimed that there was human feces in the basement, and that the managers knew about it and refused to do anything.
This ended up being debunked by the managers and the Chautauqua County Health Department. The so-called feces ended up being an accumulation of grease and water due to a faulty grease trap.
Now, is this incredibly stale news? Yes, but when the whole thing was going on I never saw anyone saying anything funny about the whole situation. So, now that the whole thing is over and Lena’s is supposedly safe to eat, I wanted to make my own stance on the topic.
Before the whole poop fiasco I had heard several great things about Lena’s, specifically about their personal pizzas. To me, this seems like a perfect opportunity to finally set the record straight.
On a windy and horribly cold day, I took a trip to Lena’s in Fredonia. Not to be confused with the one in Dunkirk, which never had any feces allegations.
I have a bit of a history with Lena’s. My best friend threw up on the porch during Halloweekend, so returning to this restaurant was really brave of me.
Thankfully, the person at the counter was NOT the guy I had to ask to let me borrow paper towels to clean up my friend’s puke many nights ago. I bravely ordered my personal cheese pizza and grabbed a Mexican Coke while I was there.
It was fine. The pizza was fine. Honestly, this article was mostly an excuse to get a pizza because I was hungry.
I feel like I should hype it up after bringing up the very old news of when people thought there was poop in the water, so:
THE FLAVORS ARE MELTING ON MY TONGUE.
It was fine, it really was. Good, even. But again, I was just craving pizza.
So, to put Lena’s pizza into perspective, I’m going to rank it against the other pizzas I’ve gotten from Fredonia, which isn’t a lot, but I don’t really care.
5. Willy C’s Pizza
Not a fan. That’s all I really have to say about it.
I lied. Why is it so soft? Not even good soft, sometimes it’s SOGGY. I usually only get it if I’m in a pinch, and even then, I’m not the happiest camper. I am SCARED of Willy’s pickle pizza.
4. Cranston Pizza
A little better than Willy’s pizza, and sometimes it hits the spot. The specialty pizzas that they offer sometimes scare me, but if you take a gamble, sometimes it pays off! The little pizza bagels they have on Sundays are probably my favorite. I am MORE SCARED of Cranston pickle pizza.
3. Blasdell’s Pizza
Lowkey it kind of tasted like Digiorno’s. The memory behind the Blasdell’s pizza is honestly better than the actual pizza.
We told the deliverer that if he got the pizza to us before 10:42 PM, we’d give him another five dollars. This man, an absolute beast, got it to us at 10:41 PM even though he was waiting for two orders from Blasdell’s. Shoutout to him.
2. Lena’s Pizza
See? I told you it was fine! Having a little personal pizza was honestly fun, and it DIDN’T taste like shit. It even managed to make me temporarily forget about the fact that my friend’s vomit is soaked into the wooden porch and has been there for months. Shoutout to them.
1. DP Dough’s Calzone
Yes, this is an article about Lena’s, but I have to be honest. DP Dough is THE SHIT in my humble opinion. It’s been there for me at my lowest and hungriest, and I’ve bodied a calzone in 6 minutes before. Not in a big back way, but in a starving, famished princess way. Definitely.
So, is Lena’s bad? Did it deserve the slander it got for having a faulty grease trap? Will I ever recover from the memory of wiping my friend’s vomit off the porch?
No, maybe, and never. I concur. Go eat some Lena’s today, you deserve it.
