The title of this article makes it sounds like it‘s really serious. It’s not. This is meant to be funny, so please laugh.
I’ve felt like “this” since I was probably 13 years old. That’s normal, I think, so it’s nothing to worry about. At some point, I’m going to reach an age where I’ll have felt like this more than I haven’t, and that’s a little scary.
There’s no science to feeling like “this.” At some point, you just have to learn to embrace it. I like this. I know this. There’s no surprises or any stupid shit like that. No, this feeling has been one of the only consistencies in my life, so I have to point that out and be grateful for it.
You learn to live with it, eventually. Not in a “oh my god all hope is lost for me” way, but you just adapt. “This” stops feeling like something you have to get rid of, and more like a bad tattoo that just happens to be right on your forehead. Everyone knows, but they hopefully won’t say anything, and you just learn to accept it as a part of you, however flawed it may be.
I don’t mean to sound all hopecore, but it’s the truth. I think the reason humans have so many problems today with their anxiety and depression and all that is because everyone expects some magical cure after getting diagnosed. It’s not kidney stones. You can never just get rid of any of “this.”
I was prescribed medication after my sophomore fall semester. I don’t take them. I don’t need them. It would only be a worse idea for me to take them, I think, because I know that they’re not going to magically fix me, so why even bother?
I’ve learned to live with whatever “this” is. I’ve completely abandoned the idea of developing any kind of hopes or aspirations, because I simply never got any at the age you’re supposed to. I’m stuck here, with “this,” and there’s no getting out.
I’m fine with that. I’ve accepted it since I was 17 years old, so why the fuck am I bringing it up now?
I recently saw a TikTok post that said that whatever you tried to repress in your junior year of high school will come back to get you in your junior year of college. I think there’s some truth to that.
That is the age that things really started to change for me, so I guess it makes sense. It was kind of the beginning of the end for me, if. I’m being totally honest.
And, okay, I don’t talk to anyone about this shit. Why would I? I hate when people do that nowadays. Every single person on this earth is depressed, or at least they should be. If you’re not, I envy that. Fuck you.
There’s really no point. You just have to suck it up, put your big girl pants on, and accept that you’ve been feeling like “this” for the past seven years of your life, and it’s never going to go away.
If anything, this feeling has been with me for so many milestones of my life, I should be celebrating. What a blessing it is to have something with me for so long that I know is predictable. What a blessing it is to not wonder what it is that I’m feeling and why.
That’s kind of a bummer way to end this, but no one fucking reads this website, and for good reason. I’m not a writer, but that’s a story for another time.
So, Fredonia, if you’re wondering how to stop feeling like “this”? You can’t. Just learn to live with it and love it. It’s the most beneficial thing you could do.
